Male announcer: And now, nickelodeon and dreamworks'
Monsters vs. Aliens.
- ¶ mva
- ¶ monsters vs. Aliens
¶ it's us vs. Them
¶ foe vs. Friend
- ¶ brain vs. B.O.B.
- ¶ it's a super-freaky job
- Oh, yeah, it's freaky.
- ¶ mva
- ¶ monsters vs. Aliens
- [cackles] - ¶ monsters vs. Aliens
¶ monsters vs. Aliens
- ¶ mva
[dramatic music]
¶
[beeping] - this, monsters,
Is where the unidentified flying object crashed.
- Right here on the table?
- In australia, bob.
- So it's not unidentified.
Technically australian.
- Yes, bob, you're totally right.
It's easier than explaining.
[breath spray spritzes]
- Monsters, I don't need to tell you how bad things got
The last time aliens set foot on earth.
- Indeed, mr. President.
The golden gate bridge
Sustained catastrophic structural damage.
- Bridge? Dr. Cockroach, I'm talking about
My approval ratings.
Fleeing like a ninny
Hurt my "tough on extraterrestrials" image.
Also, the wet pants didn't help.
So, I need you to stop these aliens--hard.
- Mr. President, you can count on team monster.
[heroic music]
¶
[engine whirring]
¶
[engine whines]
¶
- ¶ mva
- Ooh! Ooh! [device trilling]
These are the smallest aliens I've ever seen!
- Not aliens, bob.
Those are myrmecia desertorum,
Commonly known as "bull ants." - ah.
Then these are the biggest ants I've ever seen!
- Indeed, but we're not here for ants.
We're here to investigate
This mysterious object from the stars.
- Okay, let's get this over with.
Where do I give 'em the ol' one two?
- Whoa, link, I'm not sure
"the ol' one two" is the answer here.
- Susan, when it comes to aliens,
The ol' one two is always the answer.
- It doesn't seem to be doing anything weird--
[electronic beeping] whoa!
Okay, that felt weird-- and wrong.
[device hisses]
Really wrong!
- Susan, it's absorbing your quantonium.
- No!
[shudders]
- Susan, you look different.
You changed your hair.
- Bob, she's-- just take a look.
She's small.
Whoa!
That all you brought?
You're on earth, baby. Link's hizzy.
You gotta bring more than... [ant screeches]
That. [ant roars]
- Wait, wait, that is the biggest ant I've ever seen.
- I don't suppose you could talk to it.
- Sorry, I don't speak ant.
[ant growls and screeches]
- Sweet mama monger!
Look at the size of that thing.
- [high-pitched shriek]
He did it.
- Mr. President?
Well, I thought you were in washington.
- I was, but with the whole alien situation
I thought I should be here, underground, safe.
We are safe, right?
- General monger, sir.
We've got another unidentified flying object
And it's coming right at us!
- [high-pitched shriek]
Totally him again. Get it together, man.
[ant screeches] - [yelps]
- Whoa! Can this guy dance or what?
- [yelping]
- Coming through. [ant screeches]
Brilliant strategy,
Drafting a local to fight for you.
Now, let's see what makes you tick.
- Back off, ant.
You don't wanna tussle with all this muscle.
Ow!
[pained groans]
- Get away from him!
- Ooh! Ahh! [ant screeches]
- Hey, over here.
Here, boy.
He's like a big pup--
[chuckles] who's a bitey scamp?
[chuckles] ticklish.
Ticklish! [chuckles]
- Tell me you got a plan, doc.
- This is alien technology, link.
It would take the brightest minds
From the finest universities
Decades to unravel its most basic workings.
- So you can't fix me?
- Dear girl, don't be silly.
I was just putting my forthcoming accomplishment
In context.
[device hisses]
- Oh, no! Now I'm growing!
- Voila.
Now I simply transfer the quantonium
Back into susan, and once again,
The ginormica we all know and love--[yelps]
[machine pulsates] hmm.
- Uh, should it be making that wo-wo-wo noise?
- I would say run!
[explosion]
- Oh, drat.
- General monger, I'm going to lead
From behind on this one.
[shrieks]
[grunts]
- Sorry, sir.
The constitution states the president
Must make first contact with alien visitors.
- Greeting aliens is in the constitution?
- The secret constitution, article four.
Been that way since teddy roosevelt.
[door hisses, whirs]
[camera phone clicks]
- [yelps]
[pained grunts]
- Gravity.
Misjudged the gravity. Ooh!
Ah, sorry about that.
Now, where are my notes?
Oh, yes. Of course.
[clears throat]
Take. Me. To. Your. Leader.
- I'm not sure how I feel about this.
- Good news, susan.
There are still trace amounts of quantonium in your blood.
- And the "good" part is?
- You're .00004% taller than you should be.
- I'm supposed to be ginormica.
"ever-so-slightly-larger- than-normal-ica"
Isn't going to cut it.
- Buckle up, rock stars.
We just got word from area fifty-something.
We got another alien situation.
- Where? - At area fifty-something.
[engine whines]
[brakes screech]
- Uh, this man is our leader.
- Uh, technically,
I'm just one of three branches of government.
A lot of checks and balances on my, uh--
- Mr. President, your most esteemed excellency,
On behalf of the rest of the galaxy,
I want to say...
Sorry.
- Pardon? What?
- We feel just awful about the whole gallaxhar kerfuffle.
Very embarrassing for us.
That's why-- [phone ringtone plays]
- Hold that thought. [beep]
Kinda in the middle of something.
[garbled chatter] milk and beef jerky. Okay.
I'll stop on the way home, but it'll be a while.
[kissing] okay, bye. Bye.
[clears throat] you were saying?
- You see, we feel awful
About the gallaxhar incident and would like to--
[phone ringtone plays] - yes?
[garbled chatter] that's tonight?
Well, record it and we'll watch it later.
No, don't watch it without me. It's the finale.
You'll say something, then I'll know who won and--
[clears throat] gotta go. Bye.
- [mumbling] gallaxhar. - Continue.
- Y-yes. We would like to--
[phone ringtone plays] - ugh.
There's no peace and quiet when you're commander-in-chief.
- Perhaps a little alien technology will help.
[chuckles]
- No signal? Nice.
- If cutting off all communication
Is the only way for us to commence
Intergalactic diplomacy, I say, "so be it."
- Alien technology. I like it, mr., uh--
- Coverton. [joints crack]
- Area fifty-something, do you copy?
- Frequency's all jammed. - I don't like this.
- And I don't like ham salad.
- As I was saying, I'm here to build bridges.
Or, uh, rebuild them, as the case may be.
- Sweet molasses!
- So let me get this straight, mr. Coverton.
You don't wanna flambe our cities, harvest our organs,
And/or turn us into a mindless zombie work force?
- Not until I know you better. [cackles]
- [shrieks]
- Kidding. [chuckles]
I so got you.
- [chuckles] you did, you cutup.
The uggies always make up for it in personality, don't they?
- But seriously, mr. President,
I feel like I already know you so well.
In fact, I have a gift just for you.
[air hisses]
- [yelps]
- My bio-thermal scanners
Have located what could be an alien.
Definitely an alien.
And it's--sweet tooth!
The president! - What?
- He's trapped in some sort of devious alien device.
- Ham salad.
- I'm getting something on the parabolic mic.
- [high-pitched shriek]
- Uh, I don't think that's the president.
Sounds like a little girl.
- [high-pitched shriek]
- No, bob, that's our president.
- Link, we are going in hot!
- [high-pitched laughing]
I love this thing!
- Everybody loves a fun bubble.
- I'm not wild about it.
- Oh, please, general.
Your leader is--
- About to be rescued by team monster!
- Monsters, no!
- [screams]
- Whee!
Whoo! Yeah!
Everybody rumba! [explosion]
- Monsters, stand down!
- Ignore the general.
He's obviously under the alien fiend's
Mind control.
- [yelps]
[groans]
- This is for earth's most-dominant species.
[light slap] - yeah, humankind! Whoo!
- Actually, I was thinking of cockroaches,
But whatever. [light slap]
- We got you, mr. President.
- [screams]
Oof!
[groans]
Did you... Change your hair?
- Mr. President, you're safe now.
Monsters have the situation under control.
- [laughs] whoo!
- [groans] - right?
- [kisses]
- What were you monsters thinking?
- I wasn't. No brain!
- We saw an alien. In all probability, evil.
- So you just run in and give the ol' one two?
- Yep! When it comes to aliens,
The ol' one two is always the answer.
That's what link says. Right, buddy?
- Yeah, I might have said something like that.
- But what about the cylinder
That slurped up all my quantonium?
- Sounds like a stray balgarbian probe.
They're always leaving those about the galaxy.
- So it wasn't one of yours?
- [scoffs] of course not.
[warbling tone]
Simple coincidence.
Mr. President, I feel unsafe with these monsters around.
Maybe I'll come back when you're ready, in a...
Century or two.
- But--but I won't be president then!
What if I got rid of the monsters?
All: What?
- You mean kicked them to the curb?
- They're out of here. [all gasp]
They are so fired.
- Mr. President, you can't do that!
- Just did. I decided.
I'm the decider-er.
So it's decider-ed.
It's aliens in and monsters out.
- Yay!
Wait, boo?
Boo!
- Please, general.
Maybe you could get the president to reconsider.
- Are they still here?
- Hi, mr. President!
- So, what do we do now?
I kinda have a limited skill set.
- Mr. President,
Welcome to the power center of this ship.
But please, whatever you do, don't touch anything.
These instruments are very-- [loud beep]
No-- - I touched.
Is that a problem?
- What in blue blazes?
- Oh, dear. [yelps]
[groans]
He activated the self-defense mode!
Flee! Flee for your life!
[lasers blasting]
- What do we do now?
We're monsters without a cause.
- Yes, we do seem fairly pointless.
- You want pointless?
I'm not even sure I qualify as a monster anymore.
- I'm not pointless, but I kinda wish I was.
[explosion]
- What was that? - Give you one guess.
- Go, go!
The president is trapped in there.
Uh-oh.
[battle cry]
Do something!
It's your dag-burned space ship!
- Yes, yes, I'm working on it.
Mr. President, the self-defense mode
Can be deactivated with a simple code.
- Gotcha. Hit me with that code.
- The first letter is zrub.
- Zrub?
- It's the one that looks a bit
Like an upside-down ice cream cone that's on fire.
- Uh, how about one that's sort of
A three-legged wolverine with a bagpipe?
- No, that's quav--aah!
So, bad news.
Your president is apparently, um, doomed.
Which I suppose means you'll be in the market
For a new world leader.
- Negatory!
The president will be rescued.
All I need are-- - monsters.
[strained groans]
Reporting for duty.
- And me! Monster on the, uh, inside.
- Bob, show them why you're indestructible.
- Indestruct-o-ball.
Good idea!
- My turn.
Hop in.
- [whistles]
- They have no idea what they're doing.
They could make things worse! - [screams]
- Then you better get in there and show 'em what for.
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
My people do not "get in there."
We stand on the sidelines and make scathing quips.
- Get in there!
- [groans]
- Hey, look who decided to join us.
- It's your ship. Feel free to lead the way.
- I'm here strictly in an advisory role.
Now, the first wave of defense will be--
- Agh!
- Yes, those. [hydraulics hiss]
- Hey! - This is fun!
Whee!
- Whoa! Ooh!
[laughs]
The alien technology failed to anticipate--
[groans]
My cockroach ability-- [grunts]
To withstand-- [grunts]
The worst of-- [grunts]
[screams]
Going--going-- going great in there.
Going--lotsa laughs. Going good.
- [grunts]
Follow me. - Now careful.
The next chamber will prove much more difficult.
- Difficult for you, funky feet,
But link's on this like butter on bread.
Ugh!
- That's an immobilizer ray.
- Yeah, thanks. I get that now.
[yelps]
- [groans] - sorry.
Immobilizer ray.
- [groans]
[all scream]
- It's hopeless.
We'll never make it to the president.
Oh.
So what say we give up, hmm?
Listen, I've been dying to try a special earth beverage.
Uh, "leemonade" I believe it's called.
Is it good? Hmm?
- Susan, I have an idea.
At least, I think it's an idea.
- Give it to me, bob.
The idea?
- Oh, right!
Let the ray hit me and then use me as a shield.
- Bob, that's brilliant.
- Okay, get ready to roll. - Ready!
- [laughs] that tickles.
- Thanks, bob. - No problem.
Yep, feeling pretty immobile now.
Whoa!
- [sighs]
[both groan]
- Hey, guys, you're here too!
- [groans]
- The president should be behind--
- This door.
- [gasps]
Hey, that's like the thing that zapped me!
- Oh, let's not waste our time bickering.
We have a president to save!
See, there he is.
- Coverton, thank goodness you're here.
And you too... Uh, I wanna say sarah?
- Susan. - Don't step on the floor!
It's pressure sensitive.
That is virtually unbreakable.
- Mr. President, your approval rating is dropping.
- [high-pitched shriek]
[glass cracks]
Oh, clever.
Well played, sarah.
- [annoyed] yes, sir.
- Carefully, mr. President.
Climb onto my lap.
- [grunting]
Whoa!
- Aah!
Oh, kralnaz.
- Tell me, on your planet,
"oh, kralnaz" means something good.
- No.
It means the ship is leaking hyperion,
And when it blows, it will destroy half the world.
- Oh, kralnaz. - Hold on.
Which half of the world, huh?
[glass shatters]
[hissing]
[explosion]
- Duck and cover!
[massive explosion]
- Whoo!
That was awesome.
Did you see that, susan?
Susan?
Hey, where's susan?
- I'm afraid that susan is...Gone.
- Really?
I hope she went someplace nice.
- I'm sure she has, buddy.
- [grunts]
- Whoa. All: Susan!
- Once again, monsters save the world.
- Please, half the world.
- Fascinating.
Apparently, the quantonium left in ginormica's system
Absorbed the explosive hyperion energy
And reactivated her powers.
And it did more than that.
Susan, think small thoughts.
- Small thoughts? Okay.
Snowflakes, ladybugs,
Those itty-bitty hot dog hors d'oeuvres.
- Cool. - Well, I'll be.
- Check me out.
I can totally control my ginorma-sizing.
- All right, susan.
That's really-- aah!
- Sorry, bob.
Okay, maybe not totally totally control.
- No problem!
- Monsters, for your performance in saving me and the world,
But mostly me,
I'm officially welcoming you back
To area fifty-something.
[all cheer]
- Yeah! - Boo!
No, wait.
Yay! Right?
- It's gonna be great having you work
Alongside my new bff, coverton.
- What? An alien is staying here?
- I know. I'm so jealous.
- Oh, mr. President.
Were I to go to washington with you,
We'd just waste all our time giggling and gossiping.
Point is, from now on,
You guys are all one big, happy family.
- [forced] that's...Awesome.
- Super...Awesome.
[phone ringtone plays] - hello?
[garbled chatter] I'm leaving right now.
[joints crack]
- Unfortunately, my coverlord,
Our plan to neutralize ginormica failed.
But I have the full trust of the president.
And even better, I have been placed
In the earthlings' most secret base.
[knocking]
- Hurry up in there!
Mother nature's calling me with a bullhorn!
- Gotta run. Coverton out.
[toilet flushes]
Sorry, your earth commodes are so confusing.